There are many satisfying ways, other than intercourse, to make love and to have your body respond to sexual stimulation. Some of these may be familiar to you; others less so. All are normal, natural expressions of human sexuality. These alternate sexual activities can be a welcome solution when you're having arthritis pain.
Sensation, pleasure and satisfaction do not depend on penetration of the penis deep into the vagina. For example, the end of the penis is its most sensitive part. The clitoris and opening to the vagina are far more sensitive than the interior of the vagina. Men often feel that an erection and penetration of the woman's vagina are necessary to please his partner. But this is not necessarily so. Many women find greater satisfaction through genital stimulation, either manually or orally.
Women may have a problem with decreased lubrication causing the vagina to be dry, which makes intercourse uncomfortable. The decreased lubrication may be caused by certain medications, by some diseases like lupus, scleroderma and Sjogren's syndrome, or can be a natural change due to aging. Using a vaginal lubricant will make entry of the penis easier in any position. A word of caution: petroleum jelly products and other oily substances are not recommended because they may harbor germs which could cause infection. It's best to use a germ-free lubricant, such as K-Y Jelly or Steri-lube. These are available without a prescription.
At times when you are not able to have sexual intercourse in the usual way, you can still enjoy your sexuality. Other ways to express affection can excite the body and bring sexual enjoyment.
Manual sex
If there are times when sexual intercourse is not possible because of pain, you and your partner can still enjoy lovemaking. Caressing with your hands, manual sex, can be a satisfying alternative to sexual intercourse. Fondling, stroking the genitals, breasts, and all areas of sensitivity, can excite you both to orgasm with fulfillment as complete as intercourse. You may enjoy your orgasm together, or take turns. If your hands are swollen and sore, you can still embrace and gently caress your loved one as he or she stimulates his or her own genitals to climax. Your warmth, caring, and reassuring embrace convey fully the love you desire to give.
If your hands are affected, a vibrator provides another alternative for sexual pleasure. It may be the kind of vibrator found in small appliance departments which is used for light massage of the neck or face. Another type is the tube-shaped vibrator, which is lighter and easier to handle. These are available at some stores or through mail order.
Moving the vibrator gently over the sensitive areas of your partner's body, especially against the underside of the penis or clitoris, will quickly bring about sexual pleasure. A word of caution, however--it is possible that the vibrator may irritate tender genitals if used frequently or too long. You may want to lubricate with a sterile jelly, or use a clean handkerchief between the vibrator and the area to be stimulated. People whose skin is thin and dry or tender should not use this device frequently, if at all.
Oral sex
Oral sex is the use of the tongue and mouth directly on the genitals to bring pleasure to your partner. It may be a new idea to you, but it's an approach to sexual fulfillment which can be very stimulating.
Sexual satisfaction for one partner
Despite one's best efforts, there may be times when you have no interest in sex or cannot become sexually aroused. At these times, you still may want to provide for the needs of your partner. For some, the alternate methods suggested here may be the answer. As you learn more about what your partner enjoys, you will gain confidence in the fact that you can bring pleasure and fulfillment to your partner.
Sexual satisfaction on your own
Masturbation, or self-stimulation, is a very common, healthy, and satisfying form of sexual activity. It provides valuable reinforcement and reassurance concerning your own personal sexuality. It can also increase responsiveness during intercourse.
Just as you would for sexual activity with a partner, prepare for this sexual experience by assuring yourself of privacy. You may wish to create an intimate atmosphere by listening to soft music, just as you might with a partner, or by reading erotic materials or looking at erotic pictures. Being rested and taking pain medicine ahead of time may also help you to be more comfortable. Self-stimulation is done by stroking or rubbing the sexually sensitive areas of your body. If your fingers are swollen or painful due to arthritis, you can use a vibrator.
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