The findings that marriages are generally characterized by continuity, in addition to change, also have important implications for family life educators. The early months and years of a marriage are crucial to developing a satisfying relationship. These early ways of relating and the feelings and emotions that develop about the marriage become fairly set. Although it is important to teach students about the developmental stresses and challenges that require adjustments in marriage, the adjustments need to be placed in the context of a stable relationship. Most important, couples need to know that overall marital satisfaction in long-term marriages is mostly positive-the dips are not dramatic and wrenching, they are minor and gentle.
Conclusion
Although the U-shaped curve represents the "average" of many people's marital satisfaction, it doesn't mean that couples are doomed to experience the same downs and ups in their marriages. Many marriages continuously get better throughout the marriage-even when children and teens are around. Research shows that marriage satisfaction is generally quite stable over the life course, with only modest changes. Parenting responsibilities, especially during the early years of marriage, are not the primary cause of negative changes in satisfaction with marriage. In other words, having children does not harm your marriage in any significant way.
Clarifying these research findings will help teachers provide more accurate information to their students and, it is to be hoped, increase love in families as parents and children understand that children are not responsible for the quality of their parents' relationship. A couple can prepare for transitions and trials by forming positive ways of facing life together early in their marriage. Their positive approaches to marriage and to each other will lend stability and strength to the marriage throughout their lives.
Richard B. Miller, Ph.D., is an associate professor in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University. This article was adapted from an article published in Family Science Review 13 (12): 6073 (July 2000).
References
1. S. A. Anderson, C. S. Russell, and W. R. Schumm (1983). "Perceived marital quality and family life-cycle categories: A further analysis." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 45, 127139 (1983); Wesley R. Burr, "Satisfaction with various aspects of marriage over the life cycle." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 32, 2937 (1970); R. Gilford and V. L. Bengtson, "Measuring marital satisfaction in three generations: Positive and negative dimensions." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 41, 387398 (1979); David H. Olson, et al., Families: What Makes Them Work (Beverly Hills, Cal.: Sage, 1983); B. Rollins and K. L. Cannon, "Marital satisfaction over the family life cycle: A re-evaluation." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 36, 271282 (1974); B. Rollins and H. Feldman, "Marital satisfaction over the family life cycle." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 32, 2027 (1970).
2. David H. Olson, et al. (note 1, above), 179.
3. David H. Olson, et al. (note 1, above), 22.
4. Norval D. Glenn, "Quantitative research on marital quality in the 1980s: A critical review." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 818831, 823 (1990).
5. P. Mattessich and Reuben Hill, "Life cycle and family development," in M. B. Sussman and S. K. Steinmetz, eds. Handbook of Marriage and the Family (New York: Plenum Press, 1987), 437470.
6. B. Carter and M. McGoldrick, "Overview: The changing family life cycle: A framework for family therapy," in B. Carter and M. McGoldrick, eds. The Changing Family Life Cycle: A Framework for Family Therapy, 2nd ed. (Boston: Allyn & Bacon, 1989), 328.
7. P. Mattessich and Reuben Hill (note 5, above).
8. David H. Olson, et al. (note 1, above), 17879.
9. L. A. Kurdek, "Nature and prediction of changes in marital quality for first-time parent and nonparent husbands and wives." Journal of Family Psychology, 6, 255265 (1993).
10. L. White and J. N. Edwards, "Emptying the nest and parental well being: An analysis of national panel data." American Sociological Review, 55, 235242 (1990).
11. D. R. Johnson, T. O. Amoloza, and A. Booth, "Stability and developmental change in marital quality: A three-wave panel analysis." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 54, 582594 (1992). Karney and Bradbury also found that the decline in marital quality, using four different measures, was modest during the first four years of marriage. B. R. Karney and T. N. Bradbury, "Neuroticism, marital interaction, and the trajectory of marital satisfaction." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72, 10751092, 1083 (1997).
12. C. Cole, "Marital quality in later life," in W. Quinn and G. Hughston, eds. Independent Aging: Family and Social Systems Perspectives (Rockville, Md.: Aspen Systems, 1984), 7290.
13. David H. Olson, et al. (note 1, above).
14. J. Aldous (note 8, above).
15. L. White and A. Booth, "The transition to parenthood and marital quality." Journal of Family Issues, 6, 435449 (1985). See also Shelley M. MacDermid, T. L. Huston, and Susan M. McHale, "Changes in marriage associated with the transition to parenthood: Individual differences as a function of sex-role attitudes and changes in the division of labor." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 475486 (1990); K. Lindahl, M. Clements, and M. Markman, "The development of marriage: A 9-year perspective," in T. K. Bradbury, ed. The Developmental Course of Marital Dysfunction (New York: Cambridge University Press, 1998), 205236. One study, however, found that new parents had a greater decline in marital quality than childless couples. C. P. Cowan, et al., "Transitions to parenthood: His, hers, and theirs." Journal of Family Issues, 6, 451482 (1985).
16. Carolyn P. Cowan and Philip A. Cowan, When Partners Become Parents (Mahwah, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum, 2000).
17. L. Steinberg and S. B. Silverberg, "Influences on marital satisfaction during the middle stages of the family life cycle." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 49, 751760 (1987).
18. J. Aldous, Family Careers: Rethinking the Developmental Perspective (Thousand Oaks, Ca.: Sage, 1996). T. L. Orbuch, et al., "Marital quality over the life course." Social Psychology Quarterly, 59, 162171 (1996).
19. E. Menaghan, "Marital stress and family transitions: A panel analysis." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 45, 371386 (1983); L. White and J. N. Edwards (note 11, above).
Conclusion
Although the U-shaped curve represents the "average" of many people's marital satisfaction, it doesn't mean that couples are doomed to experience the same downs and ups in their marriages. Many marriages continuously get better throughout the marriage-even when children and teens are around. Research shows that marriage satisfaction is generally quite stable over the life course, with only modest changes. Parenting responsibilities, especially during the early years of marriage, are not the primary cause of negative changes in satisfaction with marriage. In other words, having children does not harm your marriage in any significant way.
Clarifying these research findings will help teachers provide more accurate information to their students and, it is to be hoped, increase love in families as parents and children understand that children are not responsible for the quality of their parents' relationship. A couple can prepare for transitions and trials by forming positive ways of facing life together early in their marriage. Their positive approaches to marriage and to each other will lend stability and strength to the marriage throughout their lives.
Richard B. Miller, Ph.D., is an associate professor in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University. This article was adapted from an article published in Family Science Review 13 (12): 6073 (July 2000).
References
1. S. A. Anderson, C. S. Russell, and W. R. Schumm (1983). "Perceived marital quality and family life-cycle categories: A further analysis." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 45, 127139 (1983); Wesley R. Burr, "Satisfaction with various aspects of marriage over the life cycle." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 32, 2937 (1970); R. Gilford and V. L. Bengtson, "Measuring marital satisfaction in three generations: Positive and negative dimensions." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 41, 387398 (1979); David H. Olson, et al., Families: What Makes Them Work (Beverly Hills, Cal.: Sage, 1983); B. Rollins and K. L. Cannon, "Marital satisfaction over the family life cycle: A re-evaluation." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 36, 271282 (1974); B. Rollins and H. Feldman, "Marital satisfaction over the family life cycle." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 32, 2027 (1970).
2. David H. Olson, et al. (note 1, above), 179.
3. David H. Olson, et al. (note 1, above), 22.
4. Norval D. Glenn, "Quantitative research on marital quality in the 1980s: A critical review." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 818831, 823 (1990).
5. P. Mattessich and Reuben Hill, "Life cycle and family development," in M. B. Sussman and S. K. Steinmetz, eds. Handbook of Marriage and the Family (New York: Plenum Press, 1987), 437470.
6. B. Carter and M. McGoldrick, "Overview: The changing family life cycle: A framework for family therapy," in B. Carter and M. McGoldrick, eds. The Changing Family Life Cycle: A Framework for Family Therapy, 2nd ed. (Boston: Allyn & Bacon, 1989), 328.
7. P. Mattessich and Reuben Hill (note 5, above).
8. David H. Olson, et al. (note 1, above), 17879.
9. L. A. Kurdek, "Nature and prediction of changes in marital quality for first-time parent and nonparent husbands and wives." Journal of Family Psychology, 6, 255265 (1993).
10. L. White and J. N. Edwards, "Emptying the nest and parental well being: An analysis of national panel data." American Sociological Review, 55, 235242 (1990).
11. D. R. Johnson, T. O. Amoloza, and A. Booth, "Stability and developmental change in marital quality: A three-wave panel analysis." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 54, 582594 (1992). Karney and Bradbury also found that the decline in marital quality, using four different measures, was modest during the first four years of marriage. B. R. Karney and T. N. Bradbury, "Neuroticism, marital interaction, and the trajectory of marital satisfaction." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72, 10751092, 1083 (1997).
12. C. Cole, "Marital quality in later life," in W. Quinn and G. Hughston, eds. Independent Aging: Family and Social Systems Perspectives (Rockville, Md.: Aspen Systems, 1984), 7290.
13. David H. Olson, et al. (note 1, above).
14. J. Aldous (note 8, above).
15. L. White and A. Booth, "The transition to parenthood and marital quality." Journal of Family Issues, 6, 435449 (1985). See also Shelley M. MacDermid, T. L. Huston, and Susan M. McHale, "Changes in marriage associated with the transition to parenthood: Individual differences as a function of sex-role attitudes and changes in the division of labor." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 475486 (1990); K. Lindahl, M. Clements, and M. Markman, "The development of marriage: A 9-year perspective," in T. K. Bradbury, ed. The Developmental Course of Marital Dysfunction (New York: Cambridge University Press, 1998), 205236. One study, however, found that new parents had a greater decline in marital quality than childless couples. C. P. Cowan, et al., "Transitions to parenthood: His, hers, and theirs." Journal of Family Issues, 6, 451482 (1985).
16. Carolyn P. Cowan and Philip A. Cowan, When Partners Become Parents (Mahwah, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum, 2000).
17. L. Steinberg and S. B. Silverberg, "Influences on marital satisfaction during the middle stages of the family life cycle." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 49, 751760 (1987).
18. J. Aldous, Family Careers: Rethinking the Developmental Perspective (Thousand Oaks, Ca.: Sage, 1996). T. L. Orbuch, et al., "Marital quality over the life course." Social Psychology Quarterly, 59, 162171 (1996).
19. E. Menaghan, "Marital stress and family transitions: A panel analysis." Journal of Marriage and the Family, 45, 371386 (1983); L. White and J. N. Edwards (note 11, above).
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