make him love you

I think that women go through various stages in their relationship when they first begin to see it failing. They start out with "what's wrong with me? Why isn't he being loving towards me?" and progress to "what's wrong with him? Why doesn't he love me?" and finally "God, make him love me!"

For those who can relate to the last of the above statements, please do bear in mind that God doesn't quite work that way. He isn't going to interfere with the free will of the individual. He isn't going to "make" your husband love you. He may soften your husband's heart towards you, and He may open your husband's eyes to your need for affection, but He isn't going to force your husband to do something.

You, likewise, can't "make your husband love you." What you can do is provide the right environment in which he can shine and therefore be a better partner in life and a better lover to you.

Please note that the following is based on the common thinking patterns of men and women. There are, as always, exceptions to the rules!

Don't be too Quick to Judge Your Husband

Many women are too quick to judge their husbands. Unless your marriage is in very serious trouble and communication has broken down beyond repair, your husband would very likely, if asked, tell a stranger that he does love you. He most likely would be telling the truth.

Men and women don't view love in the same way. Women see love as an action: your husband loves you when he takes the time to give you that much-needed back massage, or when he doesn't complain about having to come get you in the rain because you blew a tire.

You can't see his feeling of love: what you are able to see is his loving behavior. So instead of saying that your husband doesn't love you, start by changing your own language: He isn't behaving in a loving manner or I don't feel loved when he does that.

Changing your thinking can go a long way to making you a happier woman in your relationship, and will very likely affect the way that your husband treats you. It will certainly change the way that you feel!

You can't make your husband love you, but you can change the energy in your relationship.

Changing the Environment in Your Home

In this hub, I'm not going to set you off on a frenzy to clean your house. I'm not going to set you to work making an elaborate meal for your husband or put you to work for months to lose a lot of weight. I am also not going to tell you that these things will have no effect in your relationship: they will. In this hub I want to address the key way that women can begin to change the energy in their relationship.

You might be reading this because you have a deep longing to be loved. I can understand that. As a woman, I have that same deep longing. We want it from our parents, from our husbands and from our children. We want to be loved, cherished and cared for (there are exceptions, and different ways women need to be cared for, however).

Most men aren't like that. Your husband isn't likely to fall apart if you don't rush to greet him at the door the moment he comes home from work. He probably isn't going to lose his mind if dinner isn't on the table at exactly the same time every single night. These things aren't going to make him feel unloved.

Your husband may not even be able to put his finger on his own need, but based on biblical tennets, researchers have been able to do so: Your husbandneeds respect.

Before you get all excited, please allow me to sympathize. I know you respect your husband! I know you appreciate him and that you love him! And I know just how crazy it is that he doesn't feel it!

Just like other men "know" how crazy it is that you don't know he loves you.

This is where we're mis-communicating, ladies. You know what your needs are, and he knows what his needs are. Most women assume that their husbands need to be loved the way that they need to be loved and most men assume that women need to be loved in the same way a man needs to be loved.

Sorry, it's just not true.

Now you can wait for him to figure out what you need and start adjusting to your needs. Or you can begin to meet his needs and see what happens. In most cases, if one partner makes a chance for the better, the spouse will follow in the right direction. I will talk a bit more about how to do that in a moment.

Your journey to feeling more loved by your husband is going to begin with you. You could be waiting for forever if you wait for him to get the help that he needs, so it's better if you're willing to be the help that he needs! If you are willing to show your husband respect, you will see a change in the environment in your home.

The change to your marriage almost invariably begins with a more peaceful living environment.