Everyone in our family loves music. Some are more talented than others, but we all really like to sing and play diverse instruments. The other day I had just come home from a hectic day at work and wanted some peace. I opened the door and was overwhelmed by a loud cacophony of sound. Abby boisterously fiddled away in the laundry room. Aaron blared out jazz on the trumpet in his bedroom. Hannah enthusiastically bowed her way through a beginning cello book in the living room. And dear Emily turned up the volume on our electric piano as she raced through a hymn, "God Speed the Right." The dissonance was ear-splitting and added pain to my headache.
A few days later I had a different experience. The children joined several others in our living room to sing and play Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus." This time Abby's violin was sweet and beautiful. I enjoyed Hannah's tenor line on the cello. Instead of playing the piano, Emily sang alto. And as Aaron's trumpet punctuated "King of Kings" and "Lord of Lords," I could not hold back the tears as I attempted to sing, "And He shall reign forever and ever."
The two experiences were opposites. I know that the total dissonance of the "family band" will not be an everyday experience, any more than the inspiring joy of listening to my children sing and play the "Hallelujah Chorus" will happen every day. But seeking some balanced point between cacophony and beautiful worship in bringing music to our home seems like settling for mediocrity. After all, the dissonance of daily practice results in the harmony and beauty of our concerted efforts. "Seeking balance" just isn't the right metaphor.
So it is with work and family. For many years, "balance" has been the predominant work-family metaphor. As we struggle to juggle our jobs and our home lives, we think of ourselves "walking a tightrope" and involved in a "balancing act." We often feel "out-of-balance" and, like the first example given above, sense dissonance in competing aspects of life. We grapple with whether to work late on an important project or leave early to attend a daughter's softball game. We agonize about whether to postpone a family vacation because a business deal is looming. With a "balance" metaphor, work is the irreconcilable nemesis of family life.
Maybe there's a better way to think about this. Stewart Friedman has come up with a fresh idea. In an intriguing Harvard Business Review article, "Work and Life: The End of the Zero Sum Game," he and two colleagues maintain that work and family life are actually complementary, not competing priorities. Success at work often contributes to success in one's family and vice versa.1 Similarly, practicing a musical instrument contributes to successful performance, which motivates further practice and leads to greater achievement.
Instead of "balance," perhaps a metaphor of "harmony" would more richly capture what individuals do to manage the demands of their work and families effectively. It's empowering to think of ourselves as the composers, lyricists, orchestrators, and performers of our lives. It may give us inspiration to find a "Hallelujah Chorus" experience where we bring together many challenging aspects into a great symphony of life.
Using the harmony metaphor, work and family questions are not necessarily, "How can I limit my work time so that I can balance my family life?" or "How can I get out of the house more so I can have more time at work?" Other, more helpful questions come to mind, like: "What am I learning at work that can help me have a better family?" or "Are there possibilities for overlapping work and family time in harmony?" Let me share seven practical thoughts about harmonizing work and family life.
1. Create energy-crescendo with vigor
Recent research indicates that it is the depletion of energy as much as the time spent at work that explains the dissonance between work and family.2 When you feel like your job is sapping your energy, you have little vigor left for your family. The assumption that by simply cutting back hours you will create more harmony is erroneous.
One suggestion to increase your energy without cutting hours is to make a list of all the things you do at work that either drain or energize you. To create more work/family harmony, see if you can arrange to do the energizing things right before you go home. For example, if clearing your e-mail box or getting the next workday organized helps you to feel in control and ready to get started next time without delays, that may be the thing that energizes you and allows you to go home without worrying about work. Then you will carry more energy to your family.
You might also use commuting time for renewal rather than depletion. Instead of tuning the radio to news, sports, and commercials, listen to inspirational books, music, or scriptures on tape. After the incessant, tapping or pounding staccato of many jobs, we often need a peaceful, melodic adagio for renewal before walking in the door at home.
A few days later I had a different experience. The children joined several others in our living room to sing and play Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus." This time Abby's violin was sweet and beautiful. I enjoyed Hannah's tenor line on the cello. Instead of playing the piano, Emily sang alto. And as Aaron's trumpet punctuated "King of Kings" and "Lord of Lords," I could not hold back the tears as I attempted to sing, "And He shall reign forever and ever."The two experiences were opposites. I know that the total dissonance of the "family band" will not be an everyday experience, any more than the inspiring joy of listening to my children sing and play the "Hallelujah Chorus" will happen every day. But seeking some balanced point between cacophony and beautiful worship in bringing music to our home seems like settling for mediocrity. After all, the dissonance of daily practice results in the harmony and beauty of our concerted efforts. "Seeking balance" just isn't the right metaphor.
So it is with work and family. For many years, "balance" has been the predominant work-family metaphor. As we struggle to juggle our jobs and our home lives, we think of ourselves "walking a tightrope" and involved in a "balancing act." We often feel "out-of-balance" and, like the first example given above, sense dissonance in competing aspects of life. We grapple with whether to work late on an important project or leave early to attend a daughter's softball game. We agonize about whether to postpone a family vacation because a business deal is looming. With a "balance" metaphor, work is the irreconcilable nemesis of family life.
Maybe there's a better way to think about this. Stewart Friedman has come up with a fresh idea. In an intriguing Harvard Business Review article, "Work and Life: The End of the Zero Sum Game," he and two colleagues maintain that work and family life are actually complementary, not competing priorities. Success at work often contributes to success in one's family and vice versa.1 Similarly, practicing a musical instrument contributes to successful performance, which motivates further practice and leads to greater achievement.Instead of "balance," perhaps a metaphor of "harmony" would more richly capture what individuals do to manage the demands of their work and families effectively. It's empowering to think of ourselves as the composers, lyricists, orchestrators, and performers of our lives. It may give us inspiration to find a "Hallelujah Chorus" experience where we bring together many challenging aspects into a great symphony of life.
Using the harmony metaphor, work and family questions are not necessarily, "How can I limit my work time so that I can balance my family life?" or "How can I get out of the house more so I can have more time at work?" Other, more helpful questions come to mind, like: "What am I learning at work that can help me have a better family?" or "Are there possibilities for overlapping work and family time in harmony?" Let me share seven practical thoughts about harmonizing work and family life.
1. Create energy-crescendo with vigor
Recent research indicates that it is the depletion of energy as much as the time spent at work that explains the dissonance between work and family.2 When you feel like your job is sapping your energy, you have little vigor left for your family. The assumption that by simply cutting back hours you will create more harmony is erroneous.
One suggestion to increase your energy without cutting hours is to make a list of all the things you do at work that either drain or energize you. To create more work/family harmony, see if you can arrange to do the energizing things right before you go home. For example, if clearing your e-mail box or getting the next workday organized helps you to feel in control and ready to get started next time without delays, that may be the thing that energizes you and allows you to go home without worrying about work. Then you will carry more energy to your family.
You might also use commuting time for renewal rather than depletion. Instead of tuning the radio to news, sports, and commercials, listen to inspirational books, music, or scriptures on tape. After the incessant, tapping or pounding staccato of many jobs, we often need a peaceful, melodic adagio for renewal before walking in the door at home.
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