2. Carpe Diem-seize quality time
All time is not created equal. In our life's symphony there are times when work should back off and let family take the melody, and vice versa. Many involved parents strive to increase the quality of the time they spend with their children. One father found that when kids walked in the door from school they were most willing to interact. Early afternoon was also low energy time for him at work. He found that if he left the office for home a couple of afternoons a week, he could miss rush hour, take a half-hour break with his children, and then finish up his workday at home.
Bedtime can also be high-quality time. Few kids really want to go to sleep and so they will let their parents read to them or tell them stories or sing them songs for as long as they want. The tender interaction with a parent as they fall asleep may stay with them throughout the night.
3. Do two things at once-use shadow time harmoniously
In time-use research there is a concept called "shadow" time.3 Shadow time captures the time spent in a secondary activity that is occurring simultaneously with a primary activity. Using the idea of shadow time, there are many opportunities for work and family activities to overlap without dissonance. For example, I recently brought my 12-year-old daughter Hannah to my university office for the morning. While I engaged in my primary activity of writing a boring scholarly article, she enthusiastically organized all the books in my office library. Every few minutes we interacted briefly, and then at noon I took her out to lunch. Using shadow time, I got a full morning's work done and made a memory with my daughter at the same time.
The same concept applies to running errands at home. For example, when you need to go to the store, one way to promote harmony is to take a child along with you. While doing your primary activity of shopping, shadow time can help you connect with a child one-on-one while you travel to and from your destination. At the store you can teach your child how to comparison-shop. In our home we have modified a famous credit-card slogan to say, "Never leave home without them."
4. Focus on one thing-unison
Notwithstanding shadow time, there are other instances when it is better to set firm boundaries and not let work's basso profundo overpower the gentle melodies of family life. In my experience, keeping the Sabbath day holy is a key to focused harmony. Bob Egan, an IBM executive, told my work and family class that he made a promise never to work on Sunday, and he never has. He said it feels good to tell his children, "Sunday is a special day, a day different than other days of the week. Daddy doesn't go to work on Sunday."
Family vacation may be another time for muting work completely. In today's wireless world of laptops, palm pilots, and pagers it is easy to let work bring dissonance to the delicate tunes of vacation renewal. A few years ago I took my wife and three of our children to enjoy the Big Island of Hawaii for an eight-day vacation. I brought my laptop with the thought that I could log on a few minutes each day and keep up with my e-mail. However, the few minutes turned into a few hours each day. It seemed that even when playing with the kids in the surf I would be thinking about a work project or seething inside at my manager's latest insensitivity. On the second day of vacation, my boss firmly demanded (via e-mail) that I join an important 9:00 a.m. conference call the next morning. After replying that I would attend, I realized that the 9:00 a.m. call in New York would be 3:00 a.m. Kona time. Sitting in on that tense conference call in the wee hours of the morning, as the sound of the surf resonated in the background, I reached my limit. I asked myself, "What am I doing? I'm supposed to be on vacation!" So after the call I locked up the laptop, put away the calling card, and crawled back into bed. I made a resolution that from then on I would throw off my "electronic leash" whenever I went on vacation.5
There are other daily and weekly times when it is best to disconnect from work entirely. Some families have a devotional time dedicated to daily spiritual renewal through prayer and reading the scriptures. Some set aside an evening for a family activity and don't allow anything to interrupt this weekly opportunity.
5. Be flexible in when and where you work.
Recent research indicates that those with flexibility and control in when and where they do their work are much better able to find harmony between their work and family life.6 Given the same number of work hours, these flexible workers report both higher productivity and greater harmony in their family lives.
Sharing my own experience with telecommuting might be instructive.7 For thirteen years I struggled to juggle a demanding IBM career with the needs of my family. In 1990 I started working from my home office, instead of an IBM facility. The difference in my life was immediate. Instantly I gained an hour a day because I did not have to drive to and from work. Instead of dragging into work and needing to unwind after a "fast-lane" commute, I could roll out of bed early with an exciting idea and immediately key it into the laptop. Later I could get the kids up for family devotional and breakfast. Because I was working from home I could listen for baby Amanda while my wife Juanita went to aerobics, shopping, or ran errands. When Abigail had the lead in the fourth-grade play, I could be there on the front row at 11:00 a.m. When work got frustrating, I could put Emily in the jogging stroller and go for an invigorating run. The dissonance would dissipate and I could return to work refreshed. I usually took about 30 minutes off work mid-afternoon to visit with the kids when they came home from school. Jeffrey and I would often play a 10-minute game of one-on-one basketball.
On the work side I found myself more focused, energized, and productive. Without the interruptions of co-workers I was able to deliver higher quality products in less time. The arrangement worked so well that soon four of my colleagues were working from home with similar results. Within four years more than 25,000 IBM employees were working in what became known as the "virtual office."
All time is not created equal. In our life's symphony there are times when work should back off and let family take the melody, and vice versa. Many involved parents strive to increase the quality of the time they spend with their children. One father found that when kids walked in the door from school they were most willing to interact. Early afternoon was also low energy time for him at work. He found that if he left the office for home a couple of afternoons a week, he could miss rush hour, take a half-hour break with his children, and then finish up his workday at home.
Bedtime can also be high-quality time. Few kids really want to go to sleep and so they will let their parents read to them or tell them stories or sing them songs for as long as they want. The tender interaction with a parent as they fall asleep may stay with them throughout the night.
3. Do two things at once-use shadow time harmoniouslyIn time-use research there is a concept called "shadow" time.3 Shadow time captures the time spent in a secondary activity that is occurring simultaneously with a primary activity. Using the idea of shadow time, there are many opportunities for work and family activities to overlap without dissonance. For example, I recently brought my 12-year-old daughter Hannah to my university office for the morning. While I engaged in my primary activity of writing a boring scholarly article, she enthusiastically organized all the books in my office library. Every few minutes we interacted briefly, and then at noon I took her out to lunch. Using shadow time, I got a full morning's work done and made a memory with my daughter at the same time.
The same concept applies to running errands at home. For example, when you need to go to the store, one way to promote harmony is to take a child along with you. While doing your primary activity of shopping, shadow time can help you connect with a child one-on-one while you travel to and from your destination. At the store you can teach your child how to comparison-shop. In our home we have modified a famous credit-card slogan to say, "Never leave home without them."
4. Focus on one thing-unison
Notwithstanding shadow time, there are other instances when it is better to set firm boundaries and not let work's basso profundo overpower the gentle melodies of family life. In my experience, keeping the Sabbath day holy is a key to focused harmony. Bob Egan, an IBM executive, told my work and family class that he made a promise never to work on Sunday, and he never has. He said it feels good to tell his children, "Sunday is a special day, a day different than other days of the week. Daddy doesn't go to work on Sunday."
Family vacation may be another time for muting work completely. In today's wireless world of laptops, palm pilots, and pagers it is easy to let work bring dissonance to the delicate tunes of vacation renewal. A few years ago I took my wife and three of our children to enjoy the Big Island of Hawaii for an eight-day vacation. I brought my laptop with the thought that I could log on a few minutes each day and keep up with my e-mail. However, the few minutes turned into a few hours each day. It seemed that even when playing with the kids in the surf I would be thinking about a work project or seething inside at my manager's latest insensitivity. On the second day of vacation, my boss firmly demanded (via e-mail) that I join an important 9:00 a.m. conference call the next morning. After replying that I would attend, I realized that the 9:00 a.m. call in New York would be 3:00 a.m. Kona time. Sitting in on that tense conference call in the wee hours of the morning, as the sound of the surf resonated in the background, I reached my limit. I asked myself, "What am I doing? I'm supposed to be on vacation!" So after the call I locked up the laptop, put away the calling card, and crawled back into bed. I made a resolution that from then on I would throw off my "electronic leash" whenever I went on vacation.5
There are other daily and weekly times when it is best to disconnect from work entirely. Some families have a devotional time dedicated to daily spiritual renewal through prayer and reading the scriptures. Some set aside an evening for a family activity and don't allow anything to interrupt this weekly opportunity.
5. Be flexible in when and where you work.
Recent research indicates that those with flexibility and control in when and where they do their work are much better able to find harmony between their work and family life.6 Given the same number of work hours, these flexible workers report both higher productivity and greater harmony in their family lives.
Sharing my own experience with telecommuting might be instructive.7 For thirteen years I struggled to juggle a demanding IBM career with the needs of my family. In 1990 I started working from my home office, instead of an IBM facility. The difference in my life was immediate. Instantly I gained an hour a day because I did not have to drive to and from work. Instead of dragging into work and needing to unwind after a "fast-lane" commute, I could roll out of bed early with an exciting idea and immediately key it into the laptop. Later I could get the kids up for family devotional and breakfast. Because I was working from home I could listen for baby Amanda while my wife Juanita went to aerobics, shopping, or ran errands. When Abigail had the lead in the fourth-grade play, I could be there on the front row at 11:00 a.m. When work got frustrating, I could put Emily in the jogging stroller and go for an invigorating run. The dissonance would dissipate and I could return to work refreshed. I usually took about 30 minutes off work mid-afternoon to visit with the kids when they came home from school. Jeffrey and I would often play a 10-minute game of one-on-one basketball.
On the work side I found myself more focused, energized, and productive. Without the interruptions of co-workers I was able to deliver higher quality products in less time. The arrangement worked so well that soon four of my colleagues were working from home with similar results. Within four years more than 25,000 IBM employees were working in what became known as the "virtual office."
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